Heartache

One of the worst feelings in the world.
The feeling of my chest sinking in like a black hole is in my sternum.
My heart sinks towards that black hole.
My entire body feels like it's being eaten by it.
This heartache. This intensity. This pain.
I don't want it.

It gets better, doesn't it?
God I hope so.

Enduring

I feel like Iay as well call it suffering.
But for you.. It's worth it.
You're still worth everything to me.
Everyday I think about you. Almost like you think about him. I just don't think I could write to you nonstop without hearing any kind of response. Sometimes I do that with text messages, bit that eventually just hurts. Cause it's a fucking text.
I'm sorry. I feel like I just don't have as many things to talk about. I wish I did.
Buh. I'm sorry. I feel like I can't say that enough. And part of me feels like you don't want to hear it at all.
I'm so sad.

i don't understand myself.

anytime i see anything related to you online
anytime i get a text from you
anytime you i/m me
anytime i see a new picture of you
anytime you call

i get a horrible feeling in my gut.
my heart starts racing.
i feel it beating against my chest.

i think it's a butterfly feeling.
i don't know if it's butterflies.
i don't know if it's sadness.
i don't know if it's stress.
i don't know if it's me wanting to die.
i don't know if it's me wanting to leave and disappear.
i don't know.
i need to know.
i need to figure myself out.